


living, after death

by Areiton



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Elements, Coda, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, Future Fic, M/M, POV Second Person, except better, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27643903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areiton/pseuds/Areiton
Summary: It's life. The one you didn't have. It's living, after death.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	living, after death

When you open your eyes, there's something familiar about the place you've never seen. 

You know the shape of the squat square building and the curve of the road, even if it's never been beautiful like this. 

Your father is there, the one who loved you best and raised you right when John couldn't, and he sits next to you and drinks a beer that tastes like the one you had when you were fifteen and Bobby handed you a cold bottle after a Rugaru fight. 

~*~ 

You drive because this is what you know: how to fight and when to run. 

There's nothing to fight here, and Bobby is here, and you love him--but Sammy isn't and that aches in your belly, a gaping hole that only Sam ever filled and you drive, until there's that noise, familiar and quiet, like rushing wings and burnt ozone and you hear, quiet and familiar, "Hello, Dean." 

~*~ 

You drag him into a hug and he fits against you the way that he always has--a perfect puzzle piece slotting into place--and you get your fingers in his hair amd clenched on that fucking trenchcoat and you say, rough and sincere, "You can have me, Cas. You  _ always  _ had me." 

His smile might be the prettiest thing in heaven you've ever seen. 

~*~ 

You live. 

It's strange and slow, a sticky molasses thing and doesn't fit right but you do it anyway, not real sure you can do anything else. 

It's 

Cas smiling sleepy in your bed

It's 

Your mother holding you tight tears soaking your shirt 

It's 

Sunsets over the open road and Baby purring and Cas asleep on your shoulder

It's 

Dozing in the sunlight while Castiel digs a garden

It's 

Syrup sweet nights with his weight braced over you, moving in you, so full of love you are bursting. 

It's 

Life. The one you didn't have. It's living, after death. 

~*~ 

It still aches. That place where Sammy should be and isn't. It doesn't fade, a wound that throbs with every breath and laugh and word. 

Castiel doesn't say anything, when you go quiet and drive, just holds your hand and waits with you. 

~*~ 

And then the wait is over, and he's there, across from you on a bridge. You stare at him, and you haven't cried since you died, not even when Castiel found you, but you do now. 

Castiel waits patient and your brother steps close and that aching hole in you eases, a pain you don't know how to live without suddenly gone, and you smile. 

~*~ 

You live. 


End file.
